Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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