My nipple is on Facebook.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
