party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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