3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
