dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
3pm strippers are depressing
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
