If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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