ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so let's talk penis.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
