i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
