The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
