we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
