it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
