there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
