she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
