ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
