Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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