someone threw a dead crab at me
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
