I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
