It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
sick fucks of a feather flock together
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
