i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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