I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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