who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We're too hungover to prance.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
