she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize