doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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