I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
