Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We're too hungover to prance.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
