I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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