I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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