Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
