no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
