im drinking this country out of the recession.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
