btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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