But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
