I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
