I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
