i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
