remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
