im drinking this country out of the recession.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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