Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
