there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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