remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
