I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
