One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
