I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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