No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
