i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
