toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize