I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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