I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
