Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
