Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
