The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
