Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
