I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
