when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
