please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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