He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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