well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
