thus making me awesome and them whores
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
