Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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