she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
