In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
