I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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