i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
