dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
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