bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
