just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize