My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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