I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
